That word, that concept, that idea, love, is quite a trip wire.
It’s all well and good when you meet that one that gives you the cliched warm fuzzy feeling, sickeningly creating envy with your cute little ways everywhere you go, with your cute Instagram posts and your endearingly cute displays of affection.
It’s not cute. At all. It’s sickening.
But linking back to the opening statement, it may seem like your life is complete. But it’s quite the opposite, in most cases.
This isn’t the rambling of a jealous, single, bitter man hitting out at the loved up populous of the world. It’s the rambling of a man (I don’t like man, but 24 year old young adult is too wordy) who has been very much inclusive of that bracket in the past, and now finds himself out of that bracket, and a million miles of where he perceived he would be.
The truth is love is quite the fucking hypnotist. It tricks you. It leads your mind into thinking that you are so utterly dependent on this human being you’re partnered with, that the removal of their presence will cause your house of cards to crumble.
Again, to reiterate, I speak only for a number of those in “the bracket”. There are those lucky enough out there, who do not allow the clouded judgement love brings to veer them off their own individual paths as human beings.
There some though, like myself previously, who allow the mist to stunt their development.
My main focus was making her happy. It’s all I thought about. For five years I didn’t think about where I wanted to be, what I wanted to do. Hobbies turned into Netflix binges, future dreams morphed into weekend plans with the other half. Now don’t get me wrong. It was great, and I don’t hold any negative thoughts about the relationship.
But I come out of it at the age of 23, the same person as the 18 year old who’d entered it. It felt like I’d pressed the pause button and then resumed, 5 years later, older but none the wiser. Like I’d involuntarily frozen myself for a few years, and when unfrozen I was the same, but everything had changed. Because infatuation, and love, had led me astray.
It’s finally taken me a year to figure out that it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I could have continued in the 9-5, got the house, had the family. But on my death bed I would have rued a life wasted.
I now completely self indulge in the idea of achieving the goals I set out to achieve. A concept that would have utterly bemused that 18 year old. I pig out on myself, I work on myself every day. Sure there’s been times I’ve wanted to just fuck it all off, disappear forever, but those days are just as important as the good ones.
I’ve had conversations with people recently who are going through break-ups and are simply just at sea. The thought of life without their partner is not a life worth contemplating. Stop this.
Stop this now.
You were a human being before this person, you were a human being whilst you were with this person, and you will be a human being after this person has gone.
That’s a scientific fact that you can not dispute, argue, or alter.
Sure, it’s absolutely shit to be faced with the prospect of losing a person you share so much with. It’s devastating. But sticking with the science, it’s just chemical.
That very chemical attraction you have to that person will one day fade. It’ll go. There’ll be a day when you’ll look back fondly on the days you were with them, but won’t yearn for them. Think of it as a chance to lick your wounds, build the life you want. Not the life they wanted you to build.
Think of it as a lesson. In your next relationship, don’t invest too much. I mean, don’t be a dickhead, and treat them with love, respect and kindness, but don’t give everything. Keep a bit for yourself. Try pick someone that will promote your individual development, not selflessly demand everything you have.
Because you then end up broke and in retail by the end of it all.
You’re free to do what you want. So go do it.
You’ve not got much time. I mean, your heart could just stop beating at any given point. You could be hit by a Transit van, or find yourself the victim of nuclear war between Britain and Russia because of Boris Johnson’s political inadequacy.
Get out of bed, turn the rom-coms off, and do it.
What are you good at?
Writing? Write the book.
Want a career change? Go to uni.
Want to travel? Book the ticket.
You do not need this person to make your life complete. So go complete it.
Never allow yourself again to become dependent on an individual to bring you happiness.
Because 9 times out of 10. They let you down.
(The 1 case couple in 10, you still make me sick)
Make yourself happy.